I have noticed that when I update this blog, which is all too rare, I seem to post bad feelings.
I have been in a bad funk this week, up and down and all over the place. Maybe I need to Latuda after all. I am down to 10 mg a day now, in the evening. I was hoping to cut it out all together, but maybe that isn’t a good idea. Latuda is just too expensive, $250 a month because it is not generic at the moment.
I am rapidly cycling at the moment, going from being very happy to very sad in a matter of minutes. I am sleeping a lot and always feel tired. My diagnosis is severe depression and PTSD, but I am leaning towards it being Bipolar rather than Unipolar. I went to the grocery store this morning, and was close to tears as I walked down the aisles. I started crying for a brief moment in the car on the way home. I tried to understand it at the time, but couldn’t think of any reason why the waves of depression were hitting me so badly.
Music is something I need in the background all the time, if I am not listening to music, then music is playing in my head all the time, stuck in a perpetual loop. I try and block it out by changing the tune in my head, but the same ‘tune of the moment’, keeps coming back. I live for my Pandora, I can play my kind of music all day long while I am at my computer. In the car, I am lucky enough to have Ford Sync, so I can play music from a USB stick.
Am I going insane? How do I deal with this. I do not want to have to take more drugs.